I Hate You For What You Did To Me

It all started with a look, one little glance and I was completely screwed.  You’re the type of guy that makes girls wish they could see into the future so they could know if the heartbreak would be worth it.

Yours wasn’t.

I lost everything I was. I lost the ambitious woman I wanted to become and became stuck on doing whatever you wanted. My world became your world. And you didn’t care one bit that I was turning into someone else. Because that someone else was the girl you thought you wanted.

When in the end you wanted nothing to do with me. Other than to break me down and turn me into a person I didn’t recognize. There were so many nights I cried myself to sleep or didn’t eat. I was so messed up over a guy like you.

A guy who likes to ruin people.

A guy who likes to see people lose themselves just to see if maybe they will turn into the girl he wants. A guy who loves to manipulate others into being his servant while he can do whatever he wants.

I hate you for what you did to me.

I hate the brokenness you made me feel. I hate how alone, scared and fragile I became after you left. I hate how you manipulated my mind into thinking that I couldn’t live without you…

That girl wasn’t me!

I had never let a guy do that to me. I had never let someone have full control over who I was and it was terrifying to realize I had allowed that. I was mortified at the person I had become because I wasn’t a person anymore. I was a shell of a person for someone else.

For a person like you…

You broke me just because you could. Even though I did everything and lost everyone for you. Now looking back on it, I know it was needed for me in my life. But I probably wouldn’t do it again if I had the choice. I hated how I had to start over from rock bottom.

Not just from a relationship point of view but from a personal point of view. I wasn’t me anymore and I had to find myself again. I don’t think I will ever get over that pain you caused me or the anger that still lingers within me because of how you hurt me.

But I am so happy you are gone.

I am so happy I pissed you off enough to leave because I am so much stronger. And I have learned so much more about relationships and how unhealthy ours was.

Thanks for being the terrible person I needed to become the woman I am today. But don’t think for a minute I will ever forget the pain and hurt you caused me.

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